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Bombarded with Mustangs

Bombarded with Mustangs

In a week, the world will end I’ll finally start my holidays! Only, it’ll be more like ‘work’ for me. I’ve just started writing my new book so I’ll be working on that, while hunting for jobs. Sigh, I’m work obsessed. But that counter (2.3 years left!) isn’t going to wait for me to make enough dough.

Anyway, I went to my [sixth?] Krav Maga lesson on Thursday. Some of the members weren’t there, so we didn’t learn those James Bond-like rolls. Instead, we were taught how to punch. First we were made to run around a circle and punch this pad whenever we went past it; yeah, it hurt like hell. After he taught us how to do it properly, I think everyone was surprised. You have to squeeze your fist as tight as you can, and put your thumb at the side of your fist, not pointing out or in. And punch with your index finger and middle finger knuckles leading.

It was kind of embarrassing at some point when the instructor asked us to come out one by one and punch left whenever he shouted “left!” and vice versa. Everyone did it properly, but when it was my turn, I started maniacally punching left when he shouted right. That was a big face-palm moment.

For now, one of my biggest frustrations is my mother’s Reader’s Digest magazines. Although they’re made for older people, I find them incredibly addicting. What’s annoying is how with every issue you’re sure to get a bunch of green papers falling out, exciting you for a while as you think it’s money. Nope. It’s actually as fake as monopoly money.

Monopoly

In other news, my dad requested me to download him Poker Stars on my iPad (which I don’t really use anymore due to its brainwashing), bringing back wonderful poker memories. Sigh. I should start playing again. I mean, it’ll be really useful if I’m low on money and come across a bar in the middle of Texas one day! Back on topic, I also looked through my old iPad photos and pictures. I was bombarded with Ford Mustangs. Where the hell did I find them from? Now, there don’t seem to be any good ones on the internet.

I’m going to go now and put images in my other post from Tuesday since I didn’t have time then. Bye 🙂

diya

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Posted by on December 15, 2012 in Daily Life, Everything

 

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Your Relatives’ Most Commonly Used Sayings

Your Relatives’ Most Commonly Used Sayings

Your sitting around the dinner table, happily puncturing your food with the not-so-clean-fork and then shoving it in your mouth. It’s the most you’ve ever eaten. Then, your ear catches something. “You don’t eat enough.” Yes, you know what I’m talking about. Your relatives all have their signature sayings.

“You’re too skinny.”

You smile at your grandparents, awkwardly shifting your weight from one foot to the other. You haven’t seen them in a whole year; the plane tickets cost too much. Trying to push away the thickness of the air, you turn to them and nod. “So, grandpa. How’s the farm? Has the cat given birth yet?” 

Your grandfather nods, grins stiffly and glances at your grandmother. 

“You’re too skinny.” She shakes her head.

This happens to me every single year. It gets especially annoying when they tell you that you can go and visit them, but on the basis of a few terms. You must gain 15 pounds.

But we love them, really!

“When are you getting married?”

“We met at work! I mean, if you can consider the unisex bathroom at our company work!” Your sister roars, patting her husband on the chest lovingly. 

Your parents chuckle. “I guess we’ll be seeing that belly balloon soon!” 

The table goes silent. Your sister is not looking forward to her belly ballooning. 

“So,” your mother looks at you, “when are you getting married?”

I don’t have any siblings, but my relatives (especially the older ones) seem to think it’s still normal for someone to get married in their early teens. Twins on the way? Perfect!

About time, my dear!

About time, my dear!

“If so and so told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?”

“So why aren’t you eating any chocolate anymore?” 

“It’s bad for you.”

“And who told you this?”

“The — the internet.” 

“And if someone on the internet told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?” 

“No, m–” 

“Would you?!” 

“No…”

“No! Hmph.” 

Do you know how many people in life use this? Teachers, parents, your cat. I won’t be surprised if people start using this saying when for e.g, they’re told they need to lay off the meat or they’ll have a heart attack. “I can’t eat meat or I’ll die, you say? Well who told you that? Centuries of books? If those authors told you to jump off a cliff, would you go and do it?”

Google told me to!

“On my head on the fifth floor.” 

“Dad, do you know where my phone is?”

“On my head on the fifth floor.”

If you’re not Bulgarian, you wouldn’t have experienced this, but in Bulgaria parents use this a lot (at least in my experience, they do).

When someone says this, it basically implies that they have five floors on their head, and that the thing you are looking for is on the fifth floor. I used to be quite confused with this concept when I was young. “But daddy, your head only has two floors!”

I couldn’t find it, dad. Maybe it’s on your seventh chin, instead.

On that note, I’ll finish with a few more that didn’t make the list, but are pretty “my parents [used to] say that!”:

  • When you fall out of that tree and break both your legs don’t come running to me!
  • Do you want a smack? (yes please, mummy!)
  • Can’t never did.
  • Close the door, were you raised in a barn? (and then they don’t close it themselves)

And one funny website: 

 
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Posted by on December 3, 2012 in Everything, Informative

 

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Anniversaries and bruises

That sounds a lot like a domestic abuse title, doesn’t it? Anyway, it isn’t!

Today I logged on to check how many days I haven’t written here (oops) and an orange notification delighted me!    It’s my WordPress anniversary! That’s right, I’ve been here for a year! It’s a paper anniversary! I think should be a gateway to a new era of LaScarletCat. I’ve decided I’m going to produce more entertaining articles to post here, instead of my dreary life logs. So that’ll be the next post since I need to update you on a few things!

I attended my third Krav Maga lesson on Thursday! You have no idea how many bruises there are on my forearms. For the first day I couldn’t move my hands, then the bruises appeared, and now my hands are still shaking a little. Wow. I was told I’d get hurt, but I didn’t expect this much!

Still, guys, go sign up to your nearest Krav Maga class because it feels so badass slapping and punching hands away from your face in defense. It is awesome. Plus, it’ll com in use someday. Yesterday on the road (in a shady part of town) I realized a guy was following me. I could feel his breath on my shoulder. So I just speed-walked my way into a crowd. Phew. Nothing happened, but it could’ve.

I’m learning a lot of Spanish (as usual) and started studying Korean (man, it sounds awesome! And the alphabet is super easy to learn so I don’t have to waste years perfecting my Kanji). I’m starting to write my two novels today, and should complete my new digital painting soon 🙂

In between job hunting, writing, drawing, learning and training, I don’t have any time for myself (well, okay, maybe an episode of HIMYM or SPN from time to time…).

So, bye bye for now, guys, and see you in the next post! (now I tick ‘write on blog’ off my checklist).

PS. Let’s calculate how many times I post. So, 365 (one year since the beginning!) / 58 (number of posts) = 6.3. There you go, guys, I post every 6 days. Hehe. I need to get that number down.

PSS. I just realized this is not the one year anniversary, but the one year and 10 days anniversary :/ Still, worth celebrating!

 
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Posted by on November 24, 2012 in Daily Life, Everything

 

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Aside

Yesterday I was revising for Chemistry, and on one of the pages I saw this:

Image

Yeah, it was a paragraph about how fossil fuels are poisonous (mark the dinosaur above Mr Cage’s head), but look at how those big headed cartoons look like Nicolas Cage! All of them (okay, maybe not the dinosaur).

It’s not really anything life changing, but a few months ago I was browsing fact sites and I found this. Nicky on a Serbian Biology Textbook!

In fact I kind of understand Serbian. It says: BIOLOGY, for 8 something something thorough school. Basically, a thorough guide to biology.

But what is it with Nicolas Cage and Science textbooks? What is he, the God of Science, now? Woah. Now that I think about it, maybe he is some immortal God. Wasn’t he in that eBay photo from the 18th century or something? And is he wearing a skirt? Why does he look like a Mexican in a rose field?

Anyway, there’s this new black and white Brad Pitt ad on TV where he’s promoting some perfume that my dad would probably make some remark about (“even old grannies wouldn’t pick this up” and “are you supposed to clean your toilet with this or wear it?”).

I was learning Spanish today so I’m going to finish this off in Spanish. If you don’t speak Spanish, there’s always Google Translate, which won’t hesitate to do a half-assed kindergarten attempt to translate it.

Quiero un Mustang. Quiero mucho dinero pero yo soy pobre. No sé. Bien, adios.

Nicolas Cage on my Science Textbook

 
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Posted by on October 19, 2012 in Daily Life, Everything

 

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Popeye and Hours

Popeye and Hours

Hi!

I’m typing this half scratched to death because a while ago I started crazily dancing to ‘Wheel in the Sky’ by Journey, and my cat just couldn’t help himself. But c’mon, tell me it isn’t catchy.

All I can say right now is THANK GOD for E4! Without it I wouldn’t have found How I Met Your Mother, and I would have spent hours depressing myself about my situation instead of watching awesome TV.

Anyway, I seriously need to do something about my money-less situation. I’m not panicking or anything. It’s just that if I don’t make $400,000 by the end of 2.4 years I’ll have to stay in London and die in depression! Okay, maybe I’m a bit panicked. But still, I’ve added this ‘Hire Me’ button thing on the sidebar, so if you need someone to work through the night, tirelessly typing from old books, hire me!

In other news, my arms are getting muscley again, which I’m happy about because when someone asks me where something is, I get to flex my arms when pointing backwards and they do this awesome Popeye thing! 😀

I’m probably going swimming tomorrow, and joining a martial arts class, so there ya go! Training myself for the future (just learn about what I’ve learnt about and see what I have and then see if you still don’t want to do anything about it)!

My book is…not going places. Rewrites are harder than I thought!

Ooo, and does anyone watch the XFactor? I watch the British one and the American one. They’re two hours each, and it’s PAINFUL to sit through them and the commercial breaks, but something makes me do it :/ Every day there’s something on TV. Every. Damn. Day. Some people would think this as good, but no. No. Do you realise how much time you can waste while watching TV? I watch at least four hours a day. But my mum’s friend got x factor tickets and apparately it was awesome. Hmm.

Okay, so. 4 hours x 7 days. 28 hours. 28 hours x 52 weeks. 1456 hours. 1456 hours is 60.6 days. Holy crap. That’s nearly 61 days of my YEAR wasted. I could be doing something else. I could write two books in that time! Argh.

But wait. That’s not all. How many days in my whole life do I waste? I’ve lived 15 years of my life, so let’s say I get lucky and have 70 left. 60.6 x 70 = 4242. That’s 101808 hours, dude. 11.6 years of my life…that’s a kid…gone. . To watching TV? I need to do something with my life. Sigh.

And since my hits are going down, do you guys have any suggestions as to what I could add on the blog? I mean, it’s been running for a year and I still get less hits than the illiterate ‘Twilight Reviews’ websites :/

For now, bye guys! If you’ve read this far, I love y’all!

 
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Posted by on October 15, 2012 in Daily Life, Everything

 

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Normalcy Sucks

Normalcy Sucks

I was about to title this Possibilities but that’s cheesy. How do you spell possibilities again? Aha, thank you spellchecker! I had a mini ‘does professor have a double p or double s?’ moment there.

Well, *clears throat*, before I start this post I would like to ask you lovely people…Oh, whatever, let me just say it the way I normally would. Please vote for me! I entered a story in a competition and if I ever become a billionaire I promise I’ll give you $1000 if you vote for me 😀 Here! It’s free to download or you can also read it here. But those five stars are begging you to be clicked, so please, don’t leave them hanging.

—-

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about my life. Only I had an iPod in my hand as opposed to a beer, which older people would have been holding. Where will I go? What will I do? I’ve always known that I want to roadtrip America in a Mustang, but what would happen if I just succumbed to geekness and went to university (shudder)?

There’s nothing wrong with uni, I guess (apart from the fact that you’ve lived more than 1/4 of your life by the time you get out — and spent it rotting in textbooks studying the complex structure of fungi). It’s just not for me. I mean, intermediate maths is enough, man! When am I ever going to use x squared minus fifty-thousand y in real life? Plus, you can’t even compare a dusty school to badass roadtrips! What do you think?

But let’s just say I completely forget about my dreams (gasp) and take the boring route in life.

I suddenly start revising like mad >> I get As in everything (I’m not saying I didn’t kiss my report card in real life, though!) >> I go to college >> I go university >> I die of boredom >> I’m resurrected into a painfully boring office job.

I’m NOT taking that path. Let’s go down another one…

I quit education >> I clean the streets >> I get knifed by some ‘hey bro look at my moves!’ kid and die.

Oops. Not quite what I wanted either. And finally…

I learn martial arts, and awesome skills such as gun shooting >> I make money from my books >> I buy a Mustang and a couple’a classic rock tapes >> I go on the road!! >> Hells yeah roadtrip!

Yeah!! That! That! That’s what my little counter there in the sidebar is for. Only 2.4 years left! 🙂

Of course, I’m going to get people telling me it’s childish, or I deserve to put my knowledge into something else. My parents will kill me, my teachers will kill me. “Oh, why can’t you be like everyone else?” will ring in my ears. But you see guys, I don’t want to be normal. I don’t want to be another piece in the damn jigsaw of our brainwashed society. I have a life — a whole life! Why would I want to be like everyone else? So think about that whenever your parents or whoever tell you, “Why can’t you be normal?”

 
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Posted by on October 9, 2012 in Daily Life, Everything

 

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Spies

I’m convinced that if my life was a movie, I’d get whisked away from my flat tomorrow and trained to be a spy. I’d learn how to shoot guns, fight and do those crazy gymnastics flips. And I’d be perfect by the end of…a week.

That always seems to happen in every spy book/movie/whatever. The kid is trained and knows how to do everything better than the adults that have been in the business for over twenty years.

But I don’t think I’d want to be a spy anyway. I wouldn’t want to work for the lying government or dress up in those fancy clothes or prance around with ridiculous gadgets. I think I’d enjoy it if I was my own person and could complete cases myself 😀

Just imagine it…walking in some shady poorly lit bar at night, ordering a beer and just cleaning my guns on the table. Paft, in real life I’d get arrested, but let’s just pretend it could happen…

Anyway, before I start getting too excited, let’s switch to talking about something…less exciting but still engaging. I’ve been watching reruns of How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory and Rules of Engagement since the start of the damn year. Every day from 1pm to 3pm. It’s kind of crazy actually. I think I’m obsessed.

I also parkoured the whole apartment yesterday (if you can call it parkour — it was more like running and smashing my face along the walls). My cat plonked itself on the bed so that was out of order, not that I think anything would happen if I fell on him. If I did, I have the feeling I’d just be swallowed into his fur.

So I don’t think I’m that good. Watching let’s plays of Mirror’s Edge didn’t help, either.

I think I’ll cut this post short today, since I have the desire to post tomorrow too. I always post on Spanish learning days, and tomorrow is one!

PS. I have to rewrite my whole novel. Groan.

 
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Posted by on October 2, 2012 in Daily Life, Everything

 

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