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Your Relatives’ Most Commonly Used Sayings

03 Dec
Your Relatives’ Most Commonly Used Sayings

Your sitting around the dinner table, happily puncturing your food with the not-so-clean-fork and then shoving it in your mouth. It’s the most you’ve ever eaten. Then, your ear catches something. “You don’t eat enough.” Yes, you know what I’m talking about. Your relatives all have their signature sayings.

“You’re too skinny.”

You smile at your grandparents, awkwardly shifting your weight from one foot to the other. You haven’t seen them in a whole year; the plane tickets cost too much. Trying to push away the thickness of the air, you turn to them and nod. “So, grandpa. How’s the farm? Has the cat given birth yet?” 

Your grandfather nods, grins stiffly and glances at your grandmother. 

“You’re too skinny.” She shakes her head.

This happens to me every single year. It gets especially annoying when they tell you that you can go and visit them, but on the basis of a few terms. You must gain 15 pounds.

But we love them, really!

“When are you getting married?”

“We met at work! I mean, if you can consider the unisex bathroom at our company work!” Your sister roars, patting her husband on the chest lovingly. 

Your parents chuckle. “I guess we’ll be seeing that belly balloon soon!” 

The table goes silent. Your sister is not looking forward to her belly ballooning. 

“So,” your mother looks at you, “when are you getting married?”

I don’t have any siblings, but my relatives (especially the older ones) seem to think it’s still normal for someone to get married in their early teens. Twins on the way? Perfect!

About time, my dear!

About time, my dear!

“If so and so told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?”

“So why aren’t you eating any chocolate anymore?” 

“It’s bad for you.”

“And who told you this?”

“The — the internet.” 

“And if someone on the internet told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?” 

“No, m–” 

“Would you?!” 

“No…”

“No! Hmph.” 

Do you know how many people in life use this? Teachers, parents, your cat. I won’t be surprised if people start using this saying when for e.g, they’re told they need to lay off the meat or they’ll have a heart attack. “I can’t eat meat or I’ll die, you say? Well who told you that? Centuries of books? If those authors told you to jump off a cliff, would you go and do it?”

Google told me to!

“On my head on the fifth floor.” 

“Dad, do you know where my phone is?”

“On my head on the fifth floor.”

If you’re not Bulgarian, you wouldn’t have experienced this, but in Bulgaria parents use this a lot (at least in my experience, they do).

When someone says this, it basically implies that they have five floors on their head, and that the thing you are looking for is on the fifth floor. I used to be quite confused with this concept when I was young. “But daddy, your head only has two floors!”

I couldn’t find it, dad. Maybe it’s on your seventh chin, instead.

On that note, I’ll finish with a few more that didn’t make the list, but are pretty “my parents [used to] say that!”:

  • When you fall out of that tree and break both your legs don’t come running to me!
  • Do you want a smack? (yes please, mummy!)
  • Can’t never did.
  • Close the door, were you raised in a barn? (and then they don’t close it themselves)

And one funny website: 

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Posted by on December 3, 2012 in Everything, Informative

 

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