We all know or have known a really whacky person. You know – those people who wash their socks using toilet water or hand in their homework, written on the back of a fast food napkin.
I know the craziest people. Here’s a countdown.
1. The boy that jumped off a building to break his leg. When I was younger, a few summers ago, everyone was breaking their legs. It all started with a kid who broke hers by falling down the stairs. Everyone wanted to try using her crutches, and then got too attatched to them. Why ask to borrow people’s crutches if you can have your own? A boom – just like that, everyone started breaking their legs. The most severe case was when a tiny ginger boy claimed to have jumped off a building to break his ankle. Brain cells = none found. It’s pretty weird actually. Right now, more people are hopping into school on crutches.
2. The toilet juice girl. This was when I was really little. This girl who used to be my friend (she’s disappeared off the face of earth now) was wondering around the school toilets. She stuck her finger inside the toilet, and swiftly swished it around. The next bit is my fault. I told her that toilet water tastes nice (of course it doesn’t, and I’ve never tried it, I just wanted to make her lick her toilet watered finger, because that’s what little kids like to giggle at). She proceeded to practically engulf it.
3. The ‘it’s a mystery!’ girl. A kid who went to my old school thought everything was some sort of conspiracy or demonic mystery. She thought she was Sherlock Holmes. I wish I knew the phrase “no shit, Sherlock” back then. She was pretty fun to be around, though. We had awesome times trying to solve why there were chicken bones in the playground and if they belonged to the child who hadn’t attended school in a few days.
4. The boy in my P.E class. Or gym class, whatever you want to call it. He’s a short, crazy boy. He literally runs around the gym hall, shouting in a high pitched voice. His voice is SO high. I swear to God he drinks helium instead of water. Our P.E class is a mixed set, which means it has boys and girls in it. Other sets are strictly one-gendered, but no. No. I was placed in the bottom set, even though I’m good at sports. The bottom set is horrible. It’s full with overweight clunky girls, bonkers midget boys hopping around, and over-excited slightly-faster-developing teen boys that like to lift their t-shirts up to show the girl show much (not) of a six pack they have. That’s completely useless. No girl in my class is worth showing off to. And I’m not being mean.
5. My dad. My dad is like Homer Simpson. Screw it, my whole family is like the Simpsons. My parents argue about the silliest stuff, like where I got my pyjamas from or why the rice is spitting out vicious streaks of smoke (but I guess that’s miles better than fighting about things like bills). The only difference is, they’re astoundingly clever, and make better choices than Gordon Brown does.
The Beatles obsessed boy.
The fried-chicken-eating lanky boy.
The insanely obese girl that never eats.
In other damn news, I am taking off the ‘My Books’ page. The reason being is that I took the Ancient Mondays book off Lulu. It’s gonna get published traditionally, and publishers don’t like making previously self-published things.
I’m also gonna include the things I write for magazines etc.
Also, I realize I haven’t posted for about a week. I had enormously important exams, and I have at least 5 left. Damn.