There’s a duck watching you…

19 May
There’s a duck watching you…

Anatidaephobia is the fear that somewhere in the world, there is a duck watching you. 

Just imagine that duck, staring, STARING into your eyes…BRAINWASHING you to toss the bread. That duck knows who you are, it KNOWS your parents, your damn house address! Yes, that duck will one day conquer the world…

Guys, I’ve just occupied myself with starting another book. A facts book. The things I’ve learnt over countless fact sites will never leave me. Here are some of my favorites:

  • In Japan they have square watermelons.
  • Breathing the air in Mumbai, India for just one day is equivalent to smoking 2.5 packs of cigarettes.
  • Mcdonald’s salads are more fattening than their burgers. If you get a salad with crispy chicken and salad dressing, you could be consuming 35 grams of fat – the fat equivalent of 4 hamburgers.
  • As a punishment for misbehavior, Thai cops have to wear pink Hello Kitty armbands.
  • In Topeka, Kansas it is illegal to sing the alphabet on the streets at night. It is also illegal to install a bathtub, and you may not scream in a haunted house.
  • It is against the law to sing off-key in North Carolina. I like this one. It should be a law everywhere, and it should be enforced extra strong in my school.
I’ve had an obsession with facts for years. I also hate this, since every time I see something really interesting, I HAVE to call over the nearest person. This is not very convenient in a very important life-altering math exam.
So far I have 74 facts, and I’ll add moarrrr!! Here, have a jeez at these:
  • Snoop Dog sold Cameron Diaz weed in high school.  
  • The main characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters.
  •  Jeanne Louise Calment who had the longest confirmed lifespan in history ate nearly a kilogram of chocolate every week. She lived to the age of 122.
  • Parents can hire a clown to stalk their own children for seven days until it throws a pie in their face, for their birthday. 

OMG guys, I had the weirdest dream ever last night. I was eating lentil soup while walking down the school corridor like I owned the place. I also tried to convince a boy to finish school, and not leave just because he won $500,000. Why did I even do that? If I even won $50, I would leave schools ass.
Near the end, I couldn’t find an empty stall in the bathrooms. At one point, Dracula walked out of a stall, and Toccata & Fugue in d minor, THE DAMN DRACULA TUNE played. A toilet seat tumbled out after him. I started asking him questions, and this was part of our conversation:
“Are you Dracula?”
“Why are you going to the toilet?”
“Why do you only know the word Si?”
“No si.”
I have no idea why Dracula was Spanish in my dream…Man oh man, I’m messed up.
My geography teacher was also wearing no shoes or socks, yesterday. We all found out after we were dismissed. He told us someone stole his shoes. Everyone has a crush on him.
My mother also told me when she was little they learnt Hitler only talked in German to his horse, since he thought the language was ugly. I don’t think that’s true; in all Hitler movies he yatters in German.
OK before this post gets too long, I’d like to congratulate my dad. He came to England 12 years ago on this day…he just walked in to tell me that at this time (8pm) he had landed. I’d like to congratulate him for making an awesome future for his family and having a good career after just arriving with one small suitcase and £1000. Thank you, dad. 

Posted by on May 19, 2012 in Daily Life, Everything


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2 responses to “There’s a duck watching you…

  1. Danilo Rodriguez (@Surreptus)

    May 22, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    You had me cracking up with spanish dracula. Congrats to your father.


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