Damn you, Cartoon Network!

Remember when Cartoon Network actually had good shows? Yeah me neither (just kidding). I lived for those toons, four year old me stayed up till midnight to catch that show about these cats (I have no idea what it’s called).

You know, I was going to insert a carefully draw picture of me lazing on the sofa, but since I’m typing this on my iPad, I can’t :/

So I’ve come up with a list of my favorite Cartoon Network shows…

Tom and Jerry
I remember when CN had those days where they just showed one show the whole day. I’d be moody the whole goddamn day if a stupid show was aired, but if Tom and Jerry was on… I even asked my mother to bring me a bucket and a sponge to wash my hands when I needed to. I would not leave the tv. It’s my fave cartoon.

When I was 9 or 10 my cousin downloaded ALL the episodes, and we watched them on the computer for hours at a time. Good times.

Courage the Cowardly Dog
A few days back, I watched an episode of Courage online, and while the show was funny, it didn’t scare me as much. I then proceeded to look at clips of Courage on YouTube, and one scene really chilled me to the bone. It creeped me out, it gave me a feeling of nostalgia/terror. It was the part of the episode King Ramses’ Curse, where this creepy guy says ‘Return the slab or suffer my curse’ in a voice you could only describe as drunken. For a while I couldn’t figure out why the hell I was so chilled of that particular scene, with a guy that looked like he was wearing a yellow scarf and anorexic. Well, the reason is: I would hide under the table I was so scared of that slab curse when I was little. I had a MASSIVE imagination (I still do, just ask my best friend, who’s still confused as to whether I have a twin sister or not), and I really thought King Ramses’ curse would devour me if I didn’t return his slab. Of course, there was no slab I could return, so I had to live in fear till I aged a little and understood that it was just a cartoon.

You know how people sometimes have childish fears? Like clowns or dolls? That’s because that thing traumatised them as children, and that fear has stuck.

The Powerpuff Girls
There was not an episode of this that I watched without debating what Powerpuff girl I’d want to be. Most of the time it was the one with the orange hair (Blossom). The blonde one (Bubbles) was too babyish and girly, and the black haired one (Buttercup) was too manly and her voice was scarily gravely.

I always found the villains MAJOR scary, and I can admit that I had more than a few nightmares.

Dexter’s Laboratory
Am I the only one who likes Dee Dee? I loved the way she crept up upon Dexter. I hated the episodes with the weird black haired kid (the enemy). Recently 4chan ruined the wonder of Dexter for me by saying the lab was all in his imagination, and his family just played along. Ya know, that’s no problem. It’s just my complete childhood chan ruined for me. :/

Worthy Mentions
Top Cat(so that’s what it’s called!) – yup, I would stay up to watch this show. I just loved cats! I still do, and am a proud owner of a slightly overweight, large fluff ball.
Johnny Bravo – also ruined by 4chan. They said it was a little boy who wanted to be older, so he would pretend he was a grown up. It would also explain why he was always near his mother and why he had a little girl as a friend. Also why all the ladies wouldn’t go near him.
Cow and Chicken
I am Weasel
^ I just liked watching these for the way they were drawn/made.
Sheep in the Big City – OMG I just remembered this show! With the grandma who hated the sheep! Ahhh memories!
Ed, Edd and Eddy – I always thought the one with the black hat was a girl. And would LONG to see it being taken off. I was so overjoyed when it got stuck in a lamp or something and it was revealed the character was bald.
Codename: Kids Next Door I started watching this later, as it only came out in 2002, but it was interesting.
Garfield – I watched this on Boomerang, the channel that airs old shows from the CN. I watched EVERY episode, and loved it.
The show about Tweety, I forgot what it was called.
Well, that’s my list. What makes everything so awesome is that I didn’t know English back when Cartoon Network had good shows. I lived in Bulgaria back then, when I was little. What’s weird is I understood everything. EVERYTHING.
—-
In other news guys, I wrote a book. It’s not that long at all, and is probably 70 published pages. 38 pages in Word. Buuuuut I’m planning on selling it soon sooo…just thought I’d let you know *bad poker face*.

I also downloaded a rage comics app. I spend most of my nights reading comics off that and laughing my face off like some crazy drunken idiot.

Again, sorry that I don’t post regularly at all. I do try and post. I was supposed to post this post a week ago, but something stupid came up and I had to go do that. But I will post, it’s just that my life is so goddamn busy. I plan on telling you all about that in another post, when I’m feeling especially chick flicky.

So bye for now, and I’m gonna go and read my rage comics.

 

Guest Post: The Best (Read: Worst) 21st Birthday Party Ever

Hey, everyone!

Today I have a guest post, from Troy Harris. I’m happy to post it here, so enjoy

—–

I went to a strip club recently(it doesn’t matter how recently I went, because this story isn’t topical). I know everyone on the Internet is wont to lecture on morality, so let me justify myself: this was a total ambush for one of my friends. You see, she’d never been to a strip club before, and her twenty-first birthday seemed like as good a time as any to introduce her to the world of faux carnal sin and infinite debt.

There are two fatal mistakes we made when we went to this particular strip club(which would have been mistakes at any strip club, mind you): first, we went on a Tuesday. Second, we went at three in the afternoon. Weird thing about the South, they have strip clubs that are open all the time. Unfortunately, when you run an entertainment establishment twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, you have to lower your standards when it comes to quality. Y’know, like the meat packing industry.

When we walked into the joint, something screamed ‘wrong’ at me from the get-go. Maybe it was the stainless steel bar, maybe it was the fact that the beer was served in clear plastic cups, maybe it was the fact that the dancers had towels that they put on the chairs before they’d sit down next to you. Who knows? As soon as we sat down in the otherwise empty main room, We were bombarded by the finest high school dropouts that south Texas had to offer. “Hey there, stud,” One of the sultry beauties said to me, the air whistling through the gaps where some of her teeth should have been. Over intoxicated and undeterred, I was determined to score a lap dance for Jessica, my nubile young friend who currently looked like she wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or vomit. “Well hey, yourself,” I said, smooth as could be.

“Y’all must have the day off,” she said, her voice a combination of five-year disillusionment and ten-year-smoker’s growl.

“Nah,” I replied, “We just decided to skip work. It’s Jess’ twenty first birthday, and we’re starting early.” The dancer laughed, a sound not all that dissimilar to Jabba the Hutt. “You remind me of my son,” she cooed. I looked over to Jess, who, having made her decision, made a mad dash for the restroom. But I was determined, friends. Even after I, upon closer inspection, noticed the dancer’s cesarian scar and stretch marks, I remained determined to score my friend’s first lap dance for her. I leaned in to seal the deal. “Look,” I said, “My friend has never been to a strip club before. I was wondering if you’d do her the honor of giving her her first lap dance.” “Of course, sugar,” the dancer crooned. “It’s twenty dollars.”

“Twenty dollars! That’s egregious!” The poor girl looked as though my words had physically harmed her. In retrospect, that might have just been the black eye that her boyfriend had given her. I regained my composure. “Isn’t there some sort of birthday discount?” I asked, my aura of calm restored. “Sorry, honey,” the girl said, “company policy.”

I’d lost the battle, but the war was far from over. I reached into my pocket and produced a twenty dollar bill. Looking around, I spotted Jess emerging from the restroom. “There she is,” I said, “get her.” Friends, what happened next can only be described as best sequence of reactionary nonverbal communication to date. Jess alternated between looking at me with utter disdain, looking at her dancer as if trying to crack a safe, and looking at the ground trying not to cry. It was the best twenty-first birthday for someone else ever, in my eyes. Jess hasn’t called me since, but it’s only because she lost her phone in one of the dancer’s rolls, I think.

Troy writes a column at Kamikazedy. You can also follow him on twitter.

———————

Well there it was

Anyway, a new post from me should be coming today or tomorrow, so stay tuned, I guess. *goes back to browsing cars and sighing wishfully*